Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
