I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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