i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
