dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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