my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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