you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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