great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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