If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
operation harelip BJ is a go
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize