Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
