Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
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