We're facebook friends in real life
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
