Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
