just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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