The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
