Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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