I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize