I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
he's gonorrhea incarnate
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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