haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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