If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
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Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
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After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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