Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
