If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
