Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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