what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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