I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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