Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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