My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
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Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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