That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
