Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
