i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
