He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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