Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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