I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
