I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
The ass gains better be worth it
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