How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
