True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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