We named our party play list daddy issues
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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