I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
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Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
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I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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