take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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