Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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