oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
