im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
