I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
