Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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