Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
You smell like stripper and shame
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
