me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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