I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
We're like a lot better than the average bears
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
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