I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
