apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
