Plan B is the new Plan A
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
