My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
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We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
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Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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