i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I think I sprained my soul last night
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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