We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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