i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
