So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
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sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
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Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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