Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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