After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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