I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
