Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Actions speak louder than pants.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
