I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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