So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
