after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
