I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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