Don't make out with my wife yet
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
