does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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