There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
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Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
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Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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